My Video Game Lovers

So, to my shame and pride, it occurs to me that I now own 8 video game consoles that I keep either hooked up, or close to the television. These consoles not only allow me access to all of the games I’ve ever loved, but present a distinct timeline of video games. Let’s explore.

The Atari 7800

I am of the Atari generation.

I’m not proud of this. It makes me feel old.

But I am proud of this because I learned at a young age that graphics had squat to do with a fun game experience. I’d like to say I learned to be creative with these games that consisted of little more than bleeps and fat, primary-colored pixels that forced me to internally visualize the experience in a way similar to the one I learned reading words on a page. I’d like to say that, but who really knows. The clinical studies haven’t been done. I just know for me, these games kept my mind sharp, rather than dulling it. (Actually, maybe the studies have been done.)

I was nine years old when the Atari 2600 hit its peak and I was one of those kids that were the first to play Star Wars games at home (Empire Strikes Back) and others like Pitfall, Yar's Revenge and a dozen other simple games that followed the simple formula of easy to learn, hard to master. After a few years of playing Defender while listening to Purple Rain on my walkman, it was 1986, and I was getting ready to start high school. That Christmas, rather than gift me with a Nintendo, like my neighbor, I got an Atari 7800.

The system didn't last long commercially, but I never even noticed. It let me play my old school (even then, ugh) Atari 2600 games as well as the best home versions of the popular arcade games. If I didn't have a jerky brother that took all of my games and sold them to a pot-headed friend, I'd still have that system. As it was, I had to buy another one from ebay years later. With a wonderful stroke of luck, it had an a/v mod built into it that the seller seemed unaware of.

The 5 games I play the most, and the lessons learned.

1. Ms. Pacman. It’s just my favorite home version of the classic game. Sure I can play the actual rom on my xbox, but the perfect translation of the home version with the classic controller just feels right to me. Eat or be eaten.

Lesson: You can always have a good time with a chick that swallows.


2. Spider-man. From Parker Brothers. Spidey’s first videogame, and his most depressing. After the awesome music in the beginning, guide him up the building to defuse the bomb. Repeat, until he eventually runs out of web fluid and plummets to his death -- with a splat sound effect that still haunts me.

Lesson: With great power, there also comes a great fall.


3. Berzerk (Voice enhanced). Probably just nostalgia for this one. I just love making the little stick man run like a naked Gumby through an electrified, maze filled with fat robots. For such a claustrophobic game, it brought me many hours of freedom when I needed it the most. The voice enhanced version was totally worth it, just to hear the robots yell at me like the dad I never had.

Lesson: There’s always somewhere else to go, but there are just as many things waiting to kill you there as there are here.


4. Ninja Golf. The 7800 didn't have that many original games, but of the few it did, this one was just awesome. This has got to be one of the best premises ever. You're a ninja, right? But you like to get a putt in between kickings of ass. You putt, you fight, you put. It's like having 2 games for the price of one. Oh, and there are sharks in it. C'mon, this could totally be Jean-Claude Van Damme's comeback film.

Lesson: Golf is boring, unless you are a ninja.



5. Crossbow. The Where's Waldo of videogames, except everything but Waldo is a viscious monster. (Pretty realistic, actually.) Another home translation of an arcade game that was pretty cool, but had the misfortune of coming out around the time of the videogame crash. Your little pals casually stroll across the screen as hundreds of friggin monsters bring on the slaughter. Your job is to cover them until they get across the screen, but really, you feel like a parent sending your kids out to a NAMBLA convention.

Lesson: No matter how good you are to your friends, you'll still wind up by yourself in the end.


Note: This is arcade footage. Couldn't find and videos of the 7800 version.


Next Time: The RetroDuo (a combo NES/SNES).